Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
