I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
