I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
