I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
