sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize