Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
