Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
