what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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