Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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