I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize