If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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