I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
