I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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