you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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