Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
