I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
