So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
