**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
