The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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