The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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