I CAN MOONWALK!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
