apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
