I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
