omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
