Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
