My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
