so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
