hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Are my feet made of real feet?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
