I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
