"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
