i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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