i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
