My first STD was from a foam party
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize