I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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