I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
