my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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