I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
