What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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