I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
