Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
