so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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