You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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