It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
