i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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