it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
