Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Green mimosas i think yes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
