his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
