You work out of a Hotel?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
