My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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