don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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