can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
