the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
