Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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