This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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