well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
