Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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