i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
