Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
