I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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