I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
