I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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