I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
