HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
