I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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