hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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