So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she looked like the before picture.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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