Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
