Who wears a wallet chain?!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize