His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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