I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
