I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
