I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
