Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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