She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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