nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
