my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
