Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
3pm strippers are depressing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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