I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
