she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
